he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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