There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
