do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
