I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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