So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
