Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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