I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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