just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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