Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
