Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
