Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
