I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
