Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
