Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Oh god it's open bar.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
