Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Semen is not good for contacts.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
