He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
false alarm, still single
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