She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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