Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
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It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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