Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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