Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
