yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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