3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
