wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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