Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize