i may or may not be watching the land before time
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
