I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
