also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
