ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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