put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
