the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
