Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
