I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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