I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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