dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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