they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
