if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
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I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
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