good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
