OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
