The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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