you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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