He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
