It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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