I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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