Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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