Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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