Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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