Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
