I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
