There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
