so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
