I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
