Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
