why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
