I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
