brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
