Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
