I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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