I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
