Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
