Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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