someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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