I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
