I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
