Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
