Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
