he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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