Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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