I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
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We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
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And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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