the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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