she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
