just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Holy shit dude........stairs
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
