I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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