What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
