If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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