Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
